Denial: Not a River

Even after reading for years and years, I still have cards that I just don’t get, personally.  I feel like the reason for this can’t be as simple as having a lousy memory; it runs deeper than that.  I think that cards anyone has trouble grasping the meaning of indicate either a phase that they haven’t experienced before or, more likely, something they are in denial about.

So, let’s talk about denial, shall we?

I keep getting the Devil card in my readings right now.  I know the meaning of the Devil card and I can easily tell someone else what it means when it comes up in their reading.  But, when it comes to me, I am uncertain of the card’s significance.  I know what it might be talking about.  It might be talking about me putting material concerns over other, more important concerns in my life.  It could also be talking about feeling trapped or being in denial.

1485 Painting by Hans Memling.

What I most fear is that the Devil is talking about a large pattern that I’ve been stuck in for about nine years now; probably more.  I fear this because, if that’s the case, I’m about to start another cycle.  And this fear, mixed with the Devil card, makes me very nervous.  But just because I fear a particular meaning from a tarot card that’s come up, does this make it the meaning du jour?

In this case, I don’t have the answer.  I’ve pulled up cards and used my pendulum, looking for clarification.  It seems like this pattern stuff is a possibility, but I don’t like that.  I don’t feel that I have a choice but make my next move the way that I plan to.  Ah, and, that’s another aspect of the Devil card, too, isn’t it?  Not feeling like I have a choice?

Truth be told, even if someone else were to read my cards today and tell me that my worst fears are true and I am about to make the wrong move, I wouldn’t listen to them.  It would go right over my head.  I would still insist that I don’t know what the Devil card is talking about; only what it might be saying.

As a tarot reader, I come in contact with people who’ve reacted that way to my readings all of the time.  I tell them something I know might be a bit uncomfortable and they look at me blankly.  ”Does that make sense?” I ask.

“I guess so,” they pause, “I don’t know.”

I can feel that it’s true.  The cards all confirm it.  I’ve picked up the scent and I know I’m on the right track.  So, I decide to phrase it a different way and then ask,  ”How about now?”

They just scrunch their nose.

Some people will ask direct questions and I’ll give direct answers and they’ll still respond as if they don’t know what I mean.  They’ll ask the same questions in different ways.  They’ll get frustrated or want me to reshuffle the deck.  In return, I would become frustrated, too.  I used to become angry that people would ask me for a tarot reading when they didn’t really want to know the truth about their lives and then persist in making me feel like I wasn’t doing a good job.  But, as you can see, I am no different from them.  I read my cards all of the time, looking for guidance, but when I don’t get what I want to hear, I ignore it or, even worse (and more likely) I shuffle the cards and re-deal, asking the same question.  The thing is that ignoring the answers and continuing to search for  an answer isn’t even all that conscious!  I write about it now, still not believing that the Devil card probably means what I’ve been fearing it does.

I used to look at denial as a choice (in all honesty, I saw it as a failure–what an idealist I was!).  They don’t want to know, I’d think.  These days, though, I can’t make that same judgment.  It would be wrong.  The truth is that sometimes we can’t know what the cards are telling us because we just can’t–want has very little to do with it.  The meaning doesn’t compute.

Until a person is ready–and this readiness is beyond their choosing–they can’t know some truths about their lives.  Right now, I am one of these people and I can fully recognize that; even while being unable to believe I am about to make a mistake.

So, the next time you read for someone else and they get defensive or blank and you know you’re on the right trail, try to understand their perspective.  It isn’t personal, it isn’t the cards or you as a reader, it’s where they are in their life.  For whatever reason, tackling that love issue or the problem with their career is much too much for them to handle and prying open the truth would be like opening Pandora’s box at the time of that reading.  Instead of getting upset or defensive or judgey, like I used to, just shrug your shoulders and say, “Maybe it will make sense if you sleep on it.”  Eventually, the truth will be revealed–at a time that is right for the person.

And, if you find yourself getting a card and feeling unsure of what the heck it is saying to you, just keep your eyes and heart open and allow things to unfold.  There is probably a lesson somewhere in there that you need to learn.  Oh, and don’t try too hard to figure out if your worst fears are going to come true, because then the Moon card starts appearing and things just get kind of messy from there..  trust me!

Related posts:

1. Denial: A River I Nearly Drowned In
2. Me and the Strength Card
3. Knowing When to Take a Break #1
4. Knowing When to Take a Break #2
5. Discovering My Year Card: The Emperor