(and the tarot’s attempt at throwing me a life raft)
So, for those of you who read my second to last post (which was written oh-so-long ago) you know that I’d been seeing the Devil card come up quite a bit in my readings. I knew that something wicked was brewing in my life that I didn’t want to deal with. Interestingly enough, the something I suspected I was in denial about wasn’t actually the culprit.. but that’s another story for another blog.. the story here is the clever tarot and how it dealt with my denial.
Basically, the tarot, in an attempt to finally get through to me, played a little trick. I did a reading for a friend, via email, and it was very worrying. I looked at each card, gathering the meanings and my heart sank. I didn’t want to send it to her, but I felt that I had to. There was bad news all around–I mean this was a reading that struck at the roots of some serious personal issues. Most of the time, I can handle readings like that, if there is a good bit of light at the end of the tunnel, but in this reading, I didn’t see much light at all.. at least not any light that could be come by easily. I sent it along, anyway, hoping for the best and hoping it would help her out somehow. Days passed and I couldn’t shake the reading. My friend was too busy to reply with her thoughts, so I sat with it for a long time.
Then mid-March hit me like a tidal wave. The “S” hit the “F”, if you know what I mean, and I felt like my life was in a shambles. It was probably one of the worst months I’d ever had. And, in the midst of my chaotic emotions, I remembered that reading and I thought, “Huh, that’s funny, that reading really could apply to me.” So I sent my friend quick email, saying that some things were happening which seemed a lot like her reading and asked if it had applied to her at all. It turns out not only did the reading not apply to her, but she’d been having dreams that the reading was really about me. She didn’t know how to tell me because the reading was such a bummer. At that moment, I knew the tarot had shown me what was happening in my life via what I thought was a reading for a friend and I needed to listen up. Luckily, I did get the message after that and, while things did not get too much better right away, I did take the tarot’s advice and was able to stop the bleeding and work on making a new start.
I’ve only experienced the tarot’s unique response to rampant denial one other time and to a much lesser degree. It was pretty much the same scenario: I was in denial about something in my life, did a reading for someone else (in person this time), they looked at me like I was Jabba the Hut, and then I realized (duh!) that the reading was really for me. I believe that experience eventually led to me quitting a job. Oddly enough, this last instance of trickster tarot is leading to me trying to get a job.
I don’t know what would have happened if I didn’t realize the reading was for me. I know that, even if I knew it was mine before everything started falling apart, I wouldn’t have changed a thing about what I was doing. But, when I was ready to accept the tarot’s message, it was right there, like a neon sign. I had that email to go back to and use as a guide through the turmoil and out the other side.
It’s taken me an entire month to feel better and get over everything that happened; including the tarot’s little trick. I picked up my cards for the first time last night and it actually felt good. I remembered the part of the tarot that is like a friend and I remembered how I used to read the tarot to help myself and not just try and avoid this or that or the other. I hope that, in the future, I’ll be more able to handle things that I don’t want to deal with, but it’s okay if I can’t because that sort of thing happens.
One thing I do know I’ll be more in tune to in the future is looking at each reading I do and see how it might apply to my life. I’m sure every reading, whether it is secretly for me or actually for the person I’m reading for, has little gems of wisdom that can be applied to my life.
